A Song of Reproduction

May we ask, could you hear that more or less all right at the top there? All right for quantity? Nothing we can do about the quality. Not until Swann's voice breaks, anyway. People make an awful lot of fuss, anyway about the quality of the sound they listen to. Have you noticed; they spend all that time trying to get the exact effect of an orchestra actually playing in their sitting room. Personally, I can't think of anything I should hate more than an orchestra actually playing in my sitting room. They seem to like it, and it's about these people who we've written this next song. I mention this in case any of you think the title a little close to the bone; This is a Song of Reproduction.

I had a little Gramophone
I wound it round and round
And with a sharpish needle
It made a cheerful sound
And then they amplified it
It was much louder then
And used sharpened fibre needles
To make it soft again.

Today for reproduction
I'm as eager as can be
Count me among the faithful fans
Of High Fi-de-li-ty

High Fidelity
Hi-Fi's the thing for me
With an LP disc and an FM set
And a corner reflex cabinet
High frequency range
Complete with auto-change
All the highest notes niether sharp nor flat
The ear can't hear as high as that
Still I ought to please any passing bat
With my High Fidelity

Who made this circuit up for you anyway? Bought it in a shop? What a horrible shoddy job they fobbed you off with with. Surprised they let you have it in this room, anyway, the acoustics are all wrong. If you raise the ceiling four feet, put the fireplace from that wall to that wall, you'll still only get the stereophonic effect if you sit in the bottom of that cupboard. I see you've got your negative feedback coupled in to your push-pull input-output. Take that across though your headed pickup to your tweeter, if you're modding more than eight you'll get wow on your top. Try to bring that through your preamp rumble filter to your woofer - what'll you get - flutter on your bottom.

High Fidelity,
FFRR for me.
I've an opera here you shan't escape,
On miles and miles of recording tape
High decibel gain
Is easy to obtain
With the tone control at a single touch
Bel canto sounds like double Dutch
But I never did care for music much,
It's the high fidelity.

MF: This is a good moment to explain that we don't normally have these things standing around here, but tonight they are recording this, stereophonically in fact, for posterity. So, wherever you're sitting now, it'll be where you'll be on the record. Sit up nice and straight, if any of you feel like rolling in the aisles or being carried out helpless with mirth, this is a jolly good night to do it. Do you want to say hello to posterity?
DS: Hello!
MF: Hello, Posterity. If we move around a bit, they'll use it for demonstration purposes.


From the album 'At The Drop of a Hat'.
Note: FFRR stands for 'Full Frequency Range Reproduction'.